Monday, 22 September 2014

I hold many titles

Im not the only mother on the planet juggling family along with day to day tasks, I on the other hand find it mind boggling for those mothers who work full time, In which I would like to tip my hat to those women.

I have always been one for challenges, in my mind its never enough so I keep pushing myself for more....It was just inevitable I would end up with twin boys, that is the most challenging of challenges in its self.

Along with caring for my family and all the day to day tasks that come along with that I am also focusing on my competitive fitness training, full time competitive dance mom, Vice- Chair of school parent council, blogger and what ever else in between.  When I actually see it on paper it does look a bit overwhelming but I wouldn't have it any other way.  Some people think I'm short a few screws but really Im not, I just hate being bored.

Every single one of my "titles" I hold dear to my heart and my passion only continues to grow for each one of them.

FULL TIME COMPETITIVE DANCE MOM: There is a stigma that comes along with "Dance Mom", and that is we are all crazy and like to get into fights with other moms....may I mention I was part of some dance mama drama last season if any of you remember from a prior post about that nonsense, but that thorn has finally been pulled out of my backside (too say it nicely) because she has now left the studio. Whats that saying?  One rotten apple can spoil the bunch......
So with that, along with any other competative sport there is always going to be some sort of drama that plays out but there is truly a misconception of "Dance Mom".  My definition of a "Dance Mom" is someone who is teaching there child discipline, responsibility, strength, patience, team work, and giving them the opportunity to fall in love with a motion art. We stand there for hours watching our daughters learning and when they finally perfect a routine it is the most satisfying moment, when they fall or stumble we hold our breath but when they get back up with a smile on their face its gratifying because we are teaching them the art of never giving up. Seeing my daughter on that stage makes my heart smile and I have such an intense sense of pride to see all her hard work pay off.  Now that is a definition of "Dance Mom".

VICE-CHAIR OF SCHOOL PARENT COUNCIL: This is a role I hold dear to my heart, in which most people don't understand (along with the many other things I do).  Its sad that the majority of the community just think we are a bunch of women wearing mom jeans and putting together bake sales and then call it a day. Its far more involved than that.  First of all our council consists of a fair amount of men which is enlightening to see, most have the misconception it consists of all women, happy to say that is not true.
Our role involves numerous fundraisers to raise money for the school, we coordinate and organize hot lunches, we help establish a healthy school environment and putting endless hours of volunteer time to assist our students and teachers and not to mention the hours sitting around a table with my fellow council members putting forth ideas, solutions, voting and along with that a bit of debating.
We all have one thing in common, it is to make sure, first and foremost our children are getting the proper resources and care they are entitled to get.
As a child myself I remember my mother always being a huge part of my school and the community and everyone knowing and loving her.  I will never forget that and I want the same for my children, and I am grateful I have the opportunity to have such an involvement and it also gives me the opportunity to meet my fellow neighbours and gain relationships.

COMPETITIVE FITNESS TRAINING: I have written about this in prior posts, so I won't go into detail. As my training is approaching the tail end, my diet has gotten extremely intense, more hours at the gym training and my weekends involve attending posing classes and workshops so I can prepare and perfect myself as I head for that stage and stand in front of hundreds of people so they can pick apart my body and judge me.  Thats okay, I have come to terms with that, its what I signed up for.
Along this journey I have fallen in love with the art of "body sculpting" and maintaing a healthy lifestyle, so I have decided to get my Personal Training Certificate to help others achieve their goals.
I always believe that you have to put some time aside for yourself or else you will start losing who you are, because that is what was happening to me.  As much as I love my children and the role of "mommy" I was so focused on being just that,  I was putting aside my own needs and wants and I was spiralling into a depression.
I strongly encourage not to forget about what makes you happy! I have mastered the ability to juggle my priorities and the day my family stops being first priority its time to reevaluate, but as of right now everything seems to be running like an well oiled machine.

BLOGGER: First I would like to thank those who have been following me for the past couple of years and have read along with me. You have been there through tough times, happy times and silly times.  Writing is my way of expressing myself, it helps sooth my soul and organize my thoughts, I will never stop writing and having this blog allows me to have the outlet to share my passion and love with others. One day I will complete the novel I started 9 years back, you never know, I could one day add the title of "AUTHOR" to my list.  My novel will always be a work in progress and my "other baby".

My most important title:

MOMMY & WIFE:  I have to admit some days are harder then others and some days are great.
My daughter has now entered Senior Kindergarden and my boys have one more year with me at home until they start school themselves.
Their were a lot of dark moments when the twins were smaller, I thought I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel.  As they grew and reached milestones and became more independent times have gotten easier for me, not to say they still don't drive me absolutely crazy at times but its bearable, sometimes.  Im happy to say I no longer hide in my closet crying, twins can do that to ya....ohhhh the days.
I am a proud, happy mamma bear to her three little crazy cubs and a wife to a husband who "gets me".  Thank goodness for my husbands patience, because not many men can handle someone like me, theres never a dull moment. the end of the day these titles do not define me.  I am who I am, when I involve myself in something or someone I put my whole being into it, I am a very passionate person, and that goes for everything, actually, except when I cook...I suck at cooking, except for my meatloaf, I make a badass meatloaf.

 So remember:

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

To my husband…...

Its going on my third month of preparing myself for my figure competition, to say the least, its been challenging and its only going to get rockier the closer I get to showtime.

 I'm going to dedicate this post to my husband and all the other partners out there who are supporting their wives as we prepare or mind and body for showtime.

…When I first came to my husband with the cockamamie idea of putting myself through gruelling diet and intense training to become a Figure Competitor he stared at me with a blank look in his face and complete silence, as I stood there waiting for a response he finally responded… "for what??"….Ha! good question honey! It did take a little persuading, actually…. it took a couple of days for him to be on board with the idea and in that time I had to educate him on the process and what it all involved and really at the end of the day, I would have a rockin' body! (*chuckle*)
All jokes aside,  he finally understood that this is what I wanted to do and what I needed for myself, just as long as I promised that my family will continue being first priority…that would never change, my family will always be first to me no matter what challenge I give myself.
There are men out there who would never entertain the idea of having their wives parade themselves on  stage in a near to nothing bikini and strut around showing off their muscles, but thank goodness my husband understands and totally takes pride in me and my dedication in what I have chosen to do, because without him backing me, all this would be near to impossible.

So…once I got his full support it was time to throw him the "Coach" bomb….there is no way a first timer like me could get on that stage without the guidance of a coach.  Getting on that stage is not just about how big your muscles can get, its proper muscle proportion and keeping in mind your natural body build and getting there is not easy, proper nutrition, proper intake and proper managing of your macros (fat, protein, carbohydrates & fibre) is a very very important part of this process.  My Coach keeps track of my progress at the end of each month and adjusts according to.  Another important factor is that she will also properly get me back to "normalcy" after my competition which is soooooooo crucial and very important, without my coach's proper guidance this process could take a dangerous turn at any time. I can't stress the importance of a knowledgeable coach…so with that my husband completely understood.

I not only want to make myself proud and have the feeling of complete gratification when I step on that stage but having him watch me on that stage and cheer my name will put so much joy in my heart!

Thank you to my husband for: grilling my meat on the BBQ... even in the rain, taking my progress pictures at the end of each month, measuring my growth and fat percentage, understanding not to touch my food, not making fun of me when I smuggle my steak and sweet potato into the movie theatre, sacrificing your mornings at the gym so that I can go, hearing me whine, bitch and complain that all I want is a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich and most importantly you never give in! …you do all these little things for me and your full support means the world to me.

Cheers to all those men who continue to support, no matter what challenge we put forth to you, and loving us for the women that we are!!!

(Follow along with my journey via Facebook…


Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Lets get organized!

I think I finally got it!!!

I don't know about you but I hate the guessing game " whats mommy cooking for dinner tonight???"
I know I'm not the only mom who despises that game.
I find myself scrambling around my fridge for something to whip together, if you could picture it, its me standing at my opened fridge door with a huge question mark on my face scratching my head and then it ends with me getting mad at myself because I have no clue how to be prepared…..
Im going to spare you the details of the moments leading up to me preparing dinner, I just wanted to share with you something that has been working for me…..A Monthly Meal Planner!!!!

I recently had a playdate with another mother who I found her organizational skills absolutely admirable, unfortunately I seem to lack the whole "organizing" skill.
As I entered her kitchen I saw something I never saw before….."The Home Binder".  This had to be the most genius thing ever!  I know this isn't foreign for most, and maybe a thought for many or probably the whole world has a "home binder" except for me,  but to actually see this "bible" in front of me was like angels singing to me!!!

So I immediately got this project together…well, somewhat, its still in progress.

I recently have put together a monthly meal planner that works for my family and I took some time out to research some meals for the month as well as preparing my grocery list for the week. The thought of only making one trip to the grocery store is a dream…. and the kicker….. I also find myself spending less money!!!

I highly recommend you try implementing a Monthly Meal Planner if you would like to take the guessing game out of dinner, life is already hectic as it is, lets relieve a little stress wherever we can!

Feel free to use my Meal Planning template, I will also be adding a few more handy dandy templates to add to the "Home Binder" so don't forget to subscribe!

Come on folks! Join me in getting organized!

>>>>just a note, I like to use clear cover sheets in my binder to keep my sheets clean and crisp.
My binder is still under construction, but when its all done I ll post some pictures!<<<<<<<

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Stairwell Nightmare!

Has anyone ever got locked in a parking garage stairwell? Well, I have… figures, me of course.
It may sound like a hilarious story and when I tell it I do have people laughing so much their crying!
What most people are not aware of is I suffer from Anxiety Disorder which leads to severe Panic Attacks, so let me tell you, when I got locked in the stairwell, I wasn't laughing……

Let me back up…..
I had an appointment to attend in the city, the city in which they don't have driveways, parking lots and grass. 
I'm a suburb gal, always have been, so when you put a suburb girl in the city its a cause for panic, well, at least for me.  I'm revved up with nervous energy the day of the big departure.  I finally arrive to my destination, the "concrete jungle" the hustle and bustle of the city, most people find this to be soothing, no, not me.
I find a parking garage, its then I feel my heart race a little faster, my breath starting to get shallow, I enter the garage, the roof is low, really low, I go down, and around, and down , and around until I find a parking spot.  FINALLY!  I park my car, get out, take a deep breathe and find the stairs.

Please keep in mind I can't be in confined spaces, so elevators is rarely an option.  Its only an option if its 5 levels or higher,  and If I do take the elevator I will not get in it if there is more then two people in it….my husband especially hates this because he's usually the one waiting with me, and waiting, and waiting…..

…...Perfect! I see the stairs, I follow a narrow hallway which leads me to the big yellow steel door, make my way through and I hear the door slam behind me, I run up a flight of stairs and I see another steel door but with no handle. No handle. Nooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaandle. 
That's when I felt the walls close in tighter, my breathing became almost non existent, I ran half way up the next flight of stairs and see some sort of gate, assuming its the end of the road, so I retrace my steps in a furry to get to the door I came out of and again, no handle.  I don't remember much after this because it comes to me in a bit of a blur, I know I started screaming and crying at some point, maybe around now…… I called 911 and couldn't get service, I continued screaming and pounding on the door like any other crazy person would of done. 
My body started to tingle and go numb, which means I'm going down for the count any second now, so I knew I had to do something, the pounding wasn't working, no one could hear me because who in this day in age would use the stairs when theirs an elevator????

Before I continue with the story, let me remind you that when a panic attack strikes, common sense and any logic you have, it doesn't exist anymore.  Its Gone!

….So, as I'm screaming and crying, with the little breath I have, I seem to of shoved my fingers under this ugly yellow steel door and was pulling on it…yes, I was pulling on it, the whole 114 lbs of me. 
That wasn't working….clearly,  so I take another run upstairs, call 911, still no service….
Then I hear a voice, a mans voice coming from above me, the sound of an angel.   I run up two flights of stairs and see a man standing there….next to a door, with a handle!  He was trying to tell me something and I'm usually quite a friendly person and always up for a lovely chat, but this poor man didn't have a chance.  I remember yelling out THANK YOU YOU SAVED MY LIFE as I flew out the doors.  After, what felt like an eternity, gasping for air, the hit of fresh air was the most relieving feeling. 
As I scurried down the busy street, I notice blood on my hands, a lot of blood,  I had scraped the whole top of my hand trying to pry the door open, "scrape" is a more pleasant way then saying "skinned".
Needless to say, ran into a coffee shop, cleaned the mess, gathered myself, because I was trembling uncontrollably, but I finally made it to my appointment. 
In hind sight, if I would of ran up that third flight of stairs, passed that gate (whatever the heck that thing was) go down another hallway, I would of seen the doors, but again, logic….GONE.  

Anxiety is an evil thing, its always there with me and sometimes it rears its ugly head.  It unfortunately wins…. sometimes.  It also takes the joy out of most "normal" activities, I have always troubled with anxiety, but ever since I have had children my anxiety has escalated to the extreme.  I can be anywhere, the grocery store, the bank, getting my hair done.  I can conjure up a ridiculous scenario and it gets my anxiety revved up.  It usually becomes a battle, a fighting match so to say….ANXIETY VS. MY HEAD.

If there is one thing that has always helped pull me through my anxiety bouts is my writing, my journal has given me that solace, writing soothes my soul, writing never judges.  I write this post tonight for others to understand the extremities of Anxiety and its not a word to take lightly.  Its a scary scary thing!  I will continue to have Anxiety lurk in the shadows but I refuse to let it take over my life.

On a lighter note…. I'm sure theres surveillance of me in that stairway and someone is having a laugh, I won't be surprised if I pop up on youtube titled CRAZY LADY THINKS SHES LOCKED IN A STAIRWELL BUT REALLY ISNT!!!!

Friday, 14 March 2014

"Dance mama" drama…..

Its come to my attention that one of the credentials to being a "dance mom" is you need thick skin….I thought I had one, but clearly I don't.  When it comes to my children, like most mothers I assume, I am very sensitive.

This is my daughters first year in competitive dance, yes she's 4, there are a lot of opinions about that but that was our choice and the most important thing is that she loves every minute of it, as do I,  even if it is 4 1/2 hours of practice a week.  The sheer beauty of watching my daughter dance puts pure joy in my heart.

Prior to this seasons dance year I became friends with a lovely lady, so I had thought... we would set up play dates so our daughters would familiarise and bond with each other since this was a competitive class in which they will grow as a team together through the years.  We were ecstatic our girls were getting along so well and we as mothers sat over coffee and croissants and we would talk about our "beautiful, blossoming, long lasting friendship that will last years and years"….well, weren't we wrong.
Unfortunately our "forever lasting budding friendship" lasted for all of three months. (Insert lol.)

I really don't know where our friendship veered off track, maybe it was when we included a third party, another "dance mom" who again, with poor judgement thought was a fabulous lady.  A night out of drinking Saki and eating Sushi with these ladies only confirmed that we will have a great relationship as the years go on….again I was mistaken.

Oh, I know when it veered……it was when the time came when a the lil' competitors were to be chosen for solos and small group numbers, my daughter wasn't chosen for either, but the two other moms daughters were…this is where it got weird, the whispering to each other began, the secret play dates were being planned with the mothers and daughters and I would only find out because I would over hear them talk about how great their play date was and how lovely the girls got along.  You can't help to get a little paranoid and irritated so naturally I took a few steps back to further the distance…. It came into perspective one night after class when my daughters "once best friend" drew a picture for her "new best friend" and flaunted it around the dance studio screaming out "this is for you, this is for you!!!"…as my daughter looked on in complete sadness, my heart dropped and I could just see her eyes well up with tears.
I scurried her to the car, buckled her in and I just stared at her, her eyes downward and her lip quivering…I asked if she was okay, she responded "my heart hurts mommy"….well, that's when my throat tightened up and I'm trying so hard to hold back tears and I just couldn't find the words to console her, all I could do in that moment was give her a kiss on the forehead and I told her it will be okay….I got into the drivers seat and tears started pouring down my face.  It was heart wrenching to me that my lil' girl was hurting.

I spoke with her that night before bed and I reminded her of all her other "best friends" and all the pictures she's gotten from all of them.  I walked away from her that night, knowing she was content but I still had a heavy heart because I know this is just the beginning for her, but I will be there for as long as I can to console her every time her heart hurts.

I have to put aside the petty drama and focus on what matters most, my daughter….these moms have no importance to me.  They can continue their nights out with Saki n' Sushi and plan all the playdates they want.  I know who my true friends are and who will be there for me no matter what events occur or in this case gets chosen to lead the dance team.

I am truly happy for these lil' competitors that were chosen for these special dance numbers and there is, in no way, an ounce of jealousy on my part, however, I was, admittedly, naturally hurt that my daughter wasn't chosen, but at the end of the day, my daughter is not ready for a solo, her day will come when she will shine on that stage, but right now its with her other 22 team mates sharing that stage together as a team and I couldn't be any prouder.

Obviously, our friendship no longer thrives, we acknowledge each other only with a swift nod and a half smile, and may occasionally exchange a few words, but that's to the extent of our relationship.   This is fine with me, I understand friends come and go, what perturbs me is I just realised that I was deleted from her Facebook and Instagram (insert another LOL)…..not cool. Not cool at all.
There is no other way to say "screw off, get out of my life" then a simple click of a button….unfriend. 

If their is one thing I came away from all of this, its to choose your friends wisely and focus on the things that really matter.

To the parents who have thoughts of putting your child in a competitive program or those of you in early stages, such as we are, it is definitely rewarding for both parents and child, a lot of time and money is definitely invested and it teaches your child a sense of discipline and responsibility, however just be prepared for the nonsense that comes along with it.  My advice…. is to start growing that layer of thick skin…...

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Its Go time!!!

It been a question I ask my self over and over again...."what do I want to do with myself?"
As you all know I am a stay at home mother, but I feel my brain is going to mush with all the cartoons I watch on a daily basis, there is no challenge to my day and if there is, its to get my kids to eat or nap....that's my challenge. I do everything for my family in terms of keeping our home spic and span, food on the table, clothes cleaned, folded and put away, driving my kids to school to dance to toddler programs and then I do it all over again the next day.
Most mothers think that's a challenge in itself, but I want more....

January came and all these resolutions are flying out every ones mouth; eating healthier, losing weight, less swearing, more patience, blah blah blah....we all know half of these resolutions go right out the window and then they do it all over again next January thinking their going to stick with it this time.  I didn't give myself a "resolution", I didn't want the pressure, but I know it was time to change my life somehow, so I implemented healthier eating in our home, not like we ate unhealthy before, just a "cleaner" version.  I then decided to sign myself up to a gym along side my cousin,  but with a non commitment contract in which I can cancel anytime, because as we all know, come February were back in our sweats lounging on the couch instead of keeping with our promise of going to the gym every night.

It started off a little slow, not committed at all,  then one day I gave my self a challenge, I started following a muscle toning program via  I was dedicated, since I have started this program I haven't missed a day at the gym unless it is recommended.  I'm excited for my time to train and best of all I'm seeing results which makes this whole thing even more exciting.  I'm actually seeing muscle and definition and to be honest its a little nice to have some "me time"..."me time" is good and definitely necessary.

Let me give you a little background about myself before I continue any further, I have lots of ideas, most I go through with but my problem is I never finish anything!!! Its been a battle within my self for as long as I can remember, people say I'm hard on myself and they remind me, most people don't set out to do the things that I do.  I may do it, but completing it is another story....I can go off and list things that I have done but I wont go there, that list is way too long.

This time is different.  I have decided to take my training to another level.  I will be entering myself into a Figure Competition.  Not many people wake up and say I want to be a Figure competitor and most don't even know what it is or whats involved.  Like many sports it takes dedication, perseverance and lots of sweat.  I'm setting this as my challenge and most of all a challenge I am going to complete.
Most people don't understand and are quite vocal about and wonder why I'm doing this or why I would even take away from my family time.
I have to remind myself some people just want to see others fail and unfortunately, most fail when guilt is laid upon them.  I know I'm a wonderful mother and I'm there for them night and day, I take two hours out of my night to do what is best for me, and to train my hardest.  I wont let negativity or "parenting" comments bring me down nor change my state of mind.  The most important thing to me is that my husband is behind me 100%, because at the end of the day that's all that matters.

Why do I really want to do this?  Its a simple answer....
I'm not only doing it for myself , I'm also doing it for my children.  I know my kids look up to me no matter what I do, but I want them to see that no matter any circumstances you can set out to do anything, no matter your age or  in my case how many kids you have.   They may be to young now to understand why mommy is standing on stage in a bikini, but when they grow up they will understand with determination and no matter what obstacles "mommy did it and so can I".  I want them to know if you put your mind to it you can do anything!

So my journey begins and I have four months to get myself in shape, I have alongside a trainer/coach to help me complete this new venture of mine.  I may not walk away with a trophy but I ll walk away a winner because I finally will have completed something!!

Let the transformation unfold!!

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Facebook Drama.....

Lets face it, we all like a little drama in our lives.  We may not admit it but we sometimes like to subject ourselves with absolute nonsense.  My problem is I like to play the role of The Vigil-Anti, even if it has nothing to do with me.  I don't like being bullied nor do I put up with others being bullied, unfortunately their are Facebook groups that thrive on drama and bullying.

I am speaking from personal experience, as a mother of three children I found solace in hearing other mothers rant on an on about their children on local groups.  It actually made me feel a little better if I knew there was another mother out there going crazy like me.  I used these groups as a great resource as well, I found great services and businesses that I, up until this day have great relationships with.  I cant sit here and categorize ALL Facebook groups as bad and useless but unfortunately this past experience put a bad taste in my mouth.  I no longer belong to any groups on Facebook I even took a little hiatus away from Facebook all together.

Mothers, please be careful what groups you decide to join, some groups take it upon themselves to charge money for any advertising done in their group which technically shouldn't be done through Facebook, but unfortunately people can be sneaky and find other outlets just to make a dime.
These groups that "thrive" on supporting mothers and their businesses shouldn't be asking for money to help these moms out.  Come on people are we that desperate for a little coin?

The incident that took place recently was that a local mother who was also a business owner was being ridiculed openly on a group of 3,ooo woman, I at this point had already left this particular group because of prior issues.  Facebook is a small world, so I heard of this and I felt I had to take the need to step in.  I didn't know this woman nor will I ever,  I found this to be unfair and childish and not handled in the proper manner.  This woman, as I do and many others, work hard to establish a business and to be bashed for something so petty upsets me and is so disheartening to know that people can be so ruthless and downright mean.  I contacted the group administrator in which I may add, took part in slandering this poor woman and her business as well.  I had asked her if she can remove the thread, but she refused.  It was days of bantering back and forth via email and it was clear to me neither of us will ever see eye to eye.  I could of continued, but for what? Wasted time and energy on a woman who clearly doesn't know the difference between right and wrong? The worst part is this woman/ business owner  couldn't defend herself. This folks, is called bullying.

Some groups can be helpful however if you get yourself mixed up in the wrong group it can be full of negativity & hate.  Its unfortunate that these groups exist in my community and continue to create drama and hurtful comments just to keep members engaged.

Dont get wrapped up in nonsense groups that allow for such actions to take place. Peace and love people..... PEACE AND LOVE!